There are two basic types of stress in everyone’s life. There are the negative stressors that everyone is familiar with such as financial difficulties, frustration, pitfalls and deadlines. However, there are also positive stressors like having ‘butterflies’ about a new relationship or being excited for a new challenge or opportunity. Both of these types of stress have similar effects upon the body. Without proper stress management any brand of stress, be it negative or positive, has the potential to be taxing and even harmful to an individual.

We all know that high levels of stress can leave you feeling jittery or restless, often leading to anxiety, irritability, insomnia, or other such problems. Believe it or not, the absence of stress is also harmful. Not having any stress can act as a depressant, making an individual listless and unmotivated or dejected. The ultimate goal is not to eliminate all forms of stress, but to control and manage it in an appropriate manner.

Unfortunately some people attempt to cope with stress in counter-productive ways. A few examples of unhealthy stress management include using alcohol, drugs and food as coping mechanisms, avoidance and acting-out towards others. While these things may all afford temporary relief, the outcome is short lived and carries negative consequences.

Stress, if gone unchecked can result in the appearance of serious physical symptoms as well. Some of the numerous physical indications of stress include acne, high blood pressure, ulcers, irritable bowel syndrome, headaches, and severe weight fluctuations to name just a few. These and other physical manifestations of stress can in turn become stressors themselves. If proper stress management is not applied this can often become a vicious circle.

There are numerous healthy and constructive methods of stress management available today. There are lifestyle changes such as simplifying daily routines, practiced relaxation, and deep breathing. Another tool is to begin keeping a stress journal to help pinpoint negative influences on day-to-day life. Some people find that even the act of accepting and acknowledging stress is enough to provide relief. For others minor adjustments and sometimes even major overhauls must be made in order to lead the fulfilling and happier lives they are hoping for.

For many individuals these and other related methods do not produce the desired response or alleviation. For many people, the stressors in life are too severe and/or too chronic in nature and the underlying causes of the stress need further attention. This is not uncommon and does not indicate a failure of any kind.

In many cases, often the best option available is to seek the help of a professional counselor who specializes in stress management. A therapist can help assess the sources and manifestations of the stress, explore alternatives for encountering and dealing with the stressors and assist in using new tools to turn everyday obstacles into stepping stones. This professional will be able to offer advice and coping mechanisms as well as provide ways to curb frustrations. Counselors can also suggest resources such as support groups or classes. Additionally, a mental health professional has the ability to refer patients to a physician or psychiatrist for medication if it is deemed necessary. Perhaps the most important advantage when working with a counselor one-on-one is having the ability to create a plan that is best for the individual at hand. Learning and applying tools that will help manage the stress of today as well as provide preventative measures for obstacles in the future is key to a successful and healthy stress reduction plan. Recognizing your struggle and asking for help may be the first step for a healthier life!

Anxiety Disorders involve excessive fears (anxieties) related to a variety of experiences, circumstances and insecurities. These fears can be related to continuous or episodic symptoms.

An individual may experience one or more forms of anxiety. Anxiety Disorders are characterized by panic, avoidance, specific phobia, obsession/compulsion, trauma/stress, or as related to medical condition or substance use. Features of anxiety may include mental apprehension (a psychological fear of something), physical tension (mental unrest or state of latent hostility), various physical symptoms or disassociation.

Both biological and environmental variables can contribute to anxiety disorders.

Generalized anxiety disorder is characterized by a non-specific, constant fear or worry about every day matters, without an apparent reason to worry. This form of anxiety is the most common and is more frequent in adults than children.

Panic Disorder and Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia are the next two classifications. In the case of Panic Disorder, an individual experiences repeated attacks of intense fear and anxiety and is overcome by the fear future attacks and inability to control these then. Agoraphobia involves the fear of being fear of being in places where escape might be difficult, or where help might not be available. Agoraphobia usually involves fear of crowds, confined areas, bridges, or of being outside alone.

A Specific Phobia is an excessive worry or fear that is caused by the presence or thought of a specific object or situation that causes no obvious or real danger. This fear is so excessive it interferes with everyday life and functioning and usually causes the individual to avoid the object or situation entirely.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder involves recurring and often debilitating thoughts, fears or obsessions that the individual cannot control. The anxiety produced by these thoughts causes an intense urge to perform an act, ritual or routine (compulsion) in order to stop or prevent the thought. The result is a repetitive cycle that interferes with everyday activities and functioning and can consume hours of a person’s day.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder involves a heightened reaction to a traumatic event or experience characterized by intense fear, helplessness and difficulty functioning in life as one used to, including developmental delays in children. An individual experiencing PTSD typically experiences a re-living of the event, a state of heightened arousal and/or avoidance of situations or people that might remind him/her of the event.

Social Anxiety Disorder is an intense fear of social situations and what the individual will do or say while around other people. The person may be fearful of all or only certain social situations and experiences strong stress and physical symptoms when thinking of and experiencing these situations.

Diagnoses of anxiety need to be done by a mental health care provider who has been trained in specific mood and anxiety disorders. The sooner an individual begins getting help the better the chances are for treatment and alleviation of the anxiety.

There are several different anti-anxiety medications available by prescription that can be used to treat anxiety. Sometimes a health care provider may prescribe a combination with other medications, including anti-depression, stimulants or anti-psychotic medication.

In some cases hypnosis can help an individual resolve fears or phobias. Relaxation and meditation have been used to varying degrees of success in controlling some types of anxiety. The main advantages of these types of treatment vs. medication are the absence of side-effects and the possibility for long-term use without medical concern.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy has been demonstrated to be one of the most effective treatments for depression and anxiety (both independently and in conjunction with medication).

Coping with any form of mental illness is very difficult. However, with the help of a professional therapist, an individual can learn to better understand his/her anxiety, rationally evaluate fears and responses and better address symptoms when they occur. A therapist may also provide resources for educational reading, community support groups and online support. With the help of a support network and a better understanding of both the causes and effective responses to one’s fears, anxiety can be resolved for many people.

ADHD is short for a disorder known in the medical field as Attention-Deficit/ Hyperactive Disorder. Learning to cope with a child who suffers from this illness may seem like a full-time job. ADHD is categorized into predominately hyperactive, predominately inattentive or combined types.

Positive Learning Tools
Children with ADHD exhibit a variety of symptoms and often find it difficult to function at expected levels in a classroom setting. Such children may have trouble sitting still or waiting their turn. Difficulty remaining focused and/or impulsive behaviors may cause disturbances in the class and make it difficult them to follow directions. In addition, children with ADHD often struggle with social situations due to difficulties sustaining some play activities and/or peers perceiving them as being different. Teachers and parents should have a good working relationship on behalf of the child that includes regular evaluation of needs and development of an educational plan. With early intervention and acquiring of new skills, these children can learn to handle impulses and focus better on the tasks at hand. Positive coping methods, when learned at a young age, will become learning tools for the adult life.

Early Diagnosis
ADHD is often detected when a child first starts school. In a structured atmosphere such as school classroom, an inattentive and/or hyperactive child is more likely to be noticed. In a home atmosphere where adherence to structure is less critical, a child’s behaviors may not cause much concern. For this reason, young children often go undiagnosed until school age.

Work With The Teacher
Learning to live with the day-to-day challenges of ADHD can be difficult. However, a great deal of literature, as well as community and internet-based resources are available. Case in point is an article by Jane Framingham, Ph.D., titled Parent Coping strategies for ADHD. Several suggestions from her article are included below.

Counseling
Working with a counselor can be a very positive experience. A professional who is familiar with the symptoms of this condition can give caregivers specific training tools that can help a child function better in a group or structured setting.

Coping Strategies
Discipline methods need to be ones that are easily adapted to a parents value system and used consistently. Use a method that has clear, brief and easy to follow rules. Consequences must be delivered in a timely manner. Make daily routines as clear and predictable as possible, with time allotted for any unplanned delays to avoid rushing and resulting chaos. This will help everyone in the family know what comes next and maintain a greater sense of calm. It is important to recognize the children with ADHD often have difficulties with sudden change and transitions. Give your child clear expectations beforehand and appropriate time to complete his/her current task or prepare for stopping.

Learn to ignore harmless behaviors that are just part of the condition. Selectively ignore fidgetiness, twirling their hair or other harmless conduct. This will increase your peace of mind and allow you to focus on what is truly important.

Anticipate problems before they happen. If you know your child hates the fan blowing on him while eating, move the fan before he comes to the table for dinner. It is critical that you discuss, model and practice with your child alternate ways to handle a situation…rather than only what not to do. For example, show him what you expect him to do when you are on the phone, rather than the screaming he does now. It is a good idea to practice these skills (role play) once the expectation has been given and solicit ideas for additional behaviors they can do in that situation.

Try not to let the problems surrounding your child’s struggles be all-consuming. The rest of the family needs to be sensitive and understanding of one member’s difficulties and needs, but also feel attention is paid to all members and the ADHD is not dominating all aspects of family life.

Seek out support from people who have similar parenting struggles and have found positive ways to alleviate them. This can be through church organizations, friends or other community groups.

If you are a parent struggling with a child who has ADHD, there are ways to seek help. Ask your physician for referrals and resources. Also, sharing with a friend or join a parenting group can be of support. Trying to struggle alone only feeds frustration and fears.

Many of people dream of having a beautiful home with a loving family as a life goal. However, there are many different challenges that can affect this within our daily lives. One of the most prominent family challenges we face involves parenting our children and assisting them into young adulthood. Due to modern technology and the changes in society that have resulted, sometimes it can be very difficult to seek advice from the older generation or even other parents.

One example of a modern parenting challengeis cyber bullying. Where a person bullies a child via Face Book or other internet means. Due to social status issues and the lack of privacy inherent to social networks, many adolescents and teens are very hesitant to speak out regarding cyber bullying. As a result, it often occurs without parental knowledge for a long time. Communication with your adolescent is the first step. Ask about your child’s on-line friends and discuss any changes in mood or behaviors that you are observing. If you suspect you child may be the victim of cyber bullying, help your child understand how this is inappropriate and, if need be, assist him/her in terminating the on-line relationship. It is also important to consider the impact on your child’s view of him/herself and discuss why people bully (the bully is likely acting out because it is popular to do so and thus is distracting from the bully’s own issues). Be sure to watch for residual effects from bullying, such as increased anxious feelings, decreased confidence, depressed mood, withdrawal from activities, preoccupation with what others are thinking or saying, etc. Seek professional support if any difficulties of this nature are observed.

Another one of these parenting challenges is on-line dating. Younger and younger kids are trying dating on-line for the first time. Of course, many parents are concerned by this rise in risky behavior. In this case, all parents can really do is provide alternatives and educate their children. For example, many kids will call from their home phone to connect the online date. It is important your child know this action with Caller ID can allow that date to know where you and your child live without ever giving this information to the other person. Even in situations where your child is meeting and talking on-line or with a cell phone, issues of unintentionally providing personal information and engaging in “sexting” are of great concern. The most important thing to think about in this case, is to be more educated on these issues than your child’s date. Also, make it a habit to check out what your child is doing on-line for yourself and be sure age-appropriate parental blocks are maintained on all computers in your home (even yours). Be open with your child that you will periodically explore computer history and have discussions about what is and is not permissible on the computer. Try not to be pushy in regards to giving the information to your child. A respectful conversation is much better received than a lecture.

Speaking of communication, ADHD and learning disabilities are being diagnosed at considerably higher rates and can present many different parenting challenges. Mostly because of misdiagnoses, it is typically advised to seek a psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD rather than going to a primary care doctor for medication treatment. Once ADHD has been diagnosed, be sure to help your child understand this diagnosis in an age-appropriate way and also seek out resources and supports to help you and your child. It is important to keep in mind that medication is not the only solution. ADHD treatment is most effective when it involves medication along with family therapy and an education plan set up with the help of a school psychologist and your child’s teacher.

Talking back and lack of respect for parents is another issue that greatly challenges parents. Many parents face rebellious youths that challenge their parent’s authority. Regardless of the age of the child, a level of calm and respect goes a long way. During a tantrum some parents respond by treating the child they way they would a business client if they were to do the same action; with disregard and simply ignoring until the child gives up.

However, most tantrums are the result of seeking attention. Other parents respond with high emotional reaction and take the child’s tantrum as a personal attack. When dealing with an unruly child or teenager, it is a good idea to address the behavior concisely and early on, by clearly stating the rules and expectations as well as the outcomes/consequences if the expectations are unmet. The best time to provide this communicate is not during an argument; it will be blocked by their argument and will likely go, literally in one ear and out the other. So it is a good idea to sit down with the youth and talk to them about cause and effect of certain actions, such as drinking, drugs, sex, and other important issues that arise in young adulthood. Keep an open mind; an honest relationship is one of the first parts of respect.

As a parent you are likely to hear some discomforting news, such as underage drinking. It is important at such a time, not to fly off the handle and strip privileges. Act calm and understanding but also inquisitive; ask about how that really made him/her feel and why. Also ask how they feel about it now and how they plan to handle similar situations in the future. This builds the cause and effect process that teens are still gaining during this stage of life, while also providing valuable information. Don’t worry if your teen seems to shun your information and questions; they are listening to what you say more than they like to admit.

Overall, the most important things to remember when dealing with parenting challenges is to remain calm, research important areas of concern, and inform. Keep in mind that your child’s negative actions are a product of his/her struggles and learning, so it is important that you not take the behaviors personally or as an offence against you. Building a good relationship that evolves along with your child’s maturity is critical for preparing the child for adulthood and your relationship with him/her after this brief period of time.

The most important relationship we have on this earth is the one we have with our spouse. Marriage is not simply having a permanent roommate or being with a person of whom you have eternally romantic feelings and thoughts. Marriage is work. Marriage is like being in a business with a partner.

Only in this case, the business contract is a relationship. Relationships can be wonderful and fulfilling, but they can also be messy and confusing. In the midst of the messiness, it can be very beneficial for both parties to participate in marriage counseling. Counseling can aid in strengthening marriages by giving a voice to each spouse.

Counseling is highly valuable for struggling couples, and it can strengthen couples who haven’t fought through tough times. Marriage counseling can build into any couple that makes their marriage a priority. Counseling will work with you wherever you are, and the ultimate goal is to be stronger than you were when you started. Listed are some of the different things in which counseling will assist your relationship.

1. Learn who you are
In the midst of day to day life, it is easy to forget that you are a person with values and goals and dreams. What are your values? How do you respond when someone you love doesn’t value what you do? What are your dreams now? How have they changed?

2. Learn who you are married to
Over the course of a year or 20 years, everyone changes. Being the exact same person you were on your wedding day is impossible. There are times when you notice the change, but other change is so subtle it is completely unexpected. Change happens, and it’s time to start discovering each other today.

3. Learn how you communicate to your spouse
If you communicate with a nod without your spouse looking directly at you, that is not communication. If your spouse is asking for a yes or no, she is not going to stick around for a lengthy explanation, and thus, that is not communication. Knowing how you communicate and how your spouse responds will help your communication on a more intimate level.

4. Learn how your spouse communicates to you
Your spouse is trying to communicate with you. You may not hear it, but that does not mean that it’s not happening. Can you stop and listen? Can you look at him and decipher what is being said without words? Is she chattering nonstop at you because she’s worried about work? Is he rubbing his head because he’s exhausted? Does she need a hug? Does he need some time alone?

5. Learn what makes you feel loved
Maybe a hug or maybe 10 minutes of undivided attention. What does love look like to you? On exciting days, how do you want to celebrate with your spouse? On sad days, how do you want to grieve? What does it look like to be your friend?

6. Learn who makes your spouse feel loved
Take, for example, chores. They may not be first on your priority list. You may not usually notice, but your spouse may feel more love with a simple act of putting away the clean laundry than 100 kisses. Working at expressing love in a way that your spouse understands the message is another step to strengthening your marriage.

7. Learn your expectations
Expectations exist whether spoken or unspoken. They even exist knowingly or unknowingly. Such is life in a relationship. Expectations can be placed on ourselves or placed by our spouse. There are expectations that are communicated, but there are also expectations that are unspoken. Those are the expectations that need to be discovered by both husband and wife.

8. Learn to be friends
Start dating again. Find something that interests both of you and do it. Place it on your schedule once a week or month and plan for it together. Eagerly anticipate your scheduled activity. If the excitement level isn’t mutual, try being a good sport. Otherwise, put some energy into discovering exciting things together.

9. Learn to laugh together
Even if it begins as forced laughter, laugh. The more you try to laugh, the more you will start to truly laugh. The more you truly laugh, the more you will enjoy each other. Enjoying each other is a foundation for growing together as a couple.

10. Renew the original commitment to each other
This time renew it with who you are now and not who you were when you first met. Expect changes and get excited for the future.

Marriage counseling reinforces that marriage is about being a friend who is committed through thick and thin, good and bad. It’s about assisting each other to grow. With that perspective, you can have a strong marriage no matter what hardships you may face.

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